I run into the courtyard and see a group of zombies, I run at them full speed, i'm prepared for this to end, I dont want it to keep going. This isn't worth suffering for. Just then i feel a heavy tackle.
"Don't you fucking die on me. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH WE NEED EACH OTHER?"
My eyes re-adjust, and Daphne's in tears. "Look we all die thats certain but why the fuck would you do it after you've been fighting so hard to survive? You knew the stakes, we aren't getting out of this life alive, but why the hell are you giving up now? No good reason on earth could convince me to let you throw your life away." she yells with tears dripping down her face.
I take a moment to realize what I was about to do. What good would that have done? It wouldn't bring anyone back, it sure as hell wouldn't make anyone feel better. The sun was directly above us in that grassy courtyard. Just then as we got up, the moaning and dragging was closer than we expected.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
ten
I look at her and say "Hey Daphne"
she raises her head in anticipation. "yeah?" she says with curiousity.
I let a breath out and say, "I feel this is the end, like nothing is worth fighting for. I messed my life up already and I feel as though it's going to keep happening. I might as well just throw myself to those zombies."
Her eyes widen, "I dont know what to say to that."
I stand up and say, "just say goodbye."
I run outside and slam the door behind me, just one bite, one quick bite and it's all over.
she raises her head in anticipation. "yeah?" she says with curiousity.
I let a breath out and say, "I feel this is the end, like nothing is worth fighting for. I messed my life up already and I feel as though it's going to keep happening. I might as well just throw myself to those zombies."
Her eyes widen, "I dont know what to say to that."
I stand up and say, "just say goodbye."
I run outside and slam the door behind me, just one bite, one quick bite and it's all over.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Nine
A silence drops upon us for a few minutes. She seemed bothered with good reason of course I mean she didn't want to experience what she went through let alone go through it again in word form. She looks sad. That's the only way I can put it, her milky skin turned a shade lighter and her eyes. Her eyes have that glint in it, the kind that only surfaces when we've lost all hope. She looks down at her bat and sighs. I take a glance as well and finally notice splotches of dried blood caked on. I feel as if I should take a moment to do something or say something to her or rather, for her...
It's still silent, with the both of us sitting and staring at each other and what's around us. No smiling or any facial compositions that would give away our true feelings. The feelings of loss, loneliness, despair, disbelief. A couple more minutes pass and the silence truly engulfs us. This didn't feel awkward at all this just felt, right. Given the circumstances I say what other reaction would we have to all of this? Laughter? I know that she and I are not as sadistic as we like to think we are.
I let out a breath and say, "I s-s-saw her"
She raises her head and says, "Saw who?"
I flip out my knife and tell her the story.
"Remember when you caught me in that parking lot and uh your bat met with my head?"
She lets out a smile, "yeah you looked like you were escaping."
I nod, "I did escape more or less, b-b-but I saw her. My sister.. You see she's pretty much the only family I have left..
I try to hold back my tears but she can tell.. they always can tell.
She holds my hand and asks, "what happened cowboy?"
I close my knife and continue on with the story. "My sister and I moved up here for college you see. She was going to UC San Francisco and I was just going to community. We're originally from Santa Cruz but we didn't exactly get by that easily. My parents died in a car accident when i was 6, I sometimes dream about it, Mom and dad looking back after i screamed their name. I could make out a faint I love you before the car flipped. My brother flew out of the car and my sister and I were locked in. They couldn't reach my parents in time and when they found my brother he was already dead. I remember waking up in a hospital with no one in my room except this plump lady. I start to cry-out for my mom and dad... There was nothing, they told me what happened and said only my sister and I survived. My sister cared for me and I cared for her. We hopped foster cares and housing and we were notorious for always finding each other. I guess a group deal is expensive. The first time we got separated was the first foster care house I've ever been to. It looked like a normal day care I guess with one exception. It felt like an auction house. I heard stories about kids being beaten after they were taken or not fed. It kept me up at night and I would always sneak over to my sisters room and ask if I could sleep in her bed. I was adopted for the first time a year after my sister and I arrived. It was this nice white family with a daughter who was really mean. My sister was sitting on the steps as they processed me and drove me away from there. The first night I broke out of that house and ran nearly 4 miles to get back to her. They thought of keeping me at that house but they could see I was more than capable of defying them, so they let me stay with my sister. My sister was 12... and she knew that we had to get out of there, so she decided one night we'd both run away simply because she could never bear to see me go away like that. I cried that entire night because we slept in the park. God... I learned how to pickpocket, steal, fight, everything I could to make sure my sister could be alive. We spent a year sleeping in the park but the money I earned kept us alive. Once in a while we'd sneak into various motels to use their shower and sleep on a bed. Until one day we were caught by the owner and arrested. We were taken down to the station and the officer was telling us not to worry and that we'd be nice and safe back at the orphanage. I started to cry, my sister did everything she could to comfort me. I always heard her say "dont worry, we're still alive." That always got me because i wondered every single damn day why i still was alive."
I throw my knife to the floor and put my hands over my face to hide the fact that I'm dying inside.
Daphne puts her arm around me and asks, "so how'd it end up working out?"
I look up at her concerned face, she looks as if she wanted to be my saviour, the girl to take all my problems away. "well..."
It's still silent, with the both of us sitting and staring at each other and what's around us. No smiling or any facial compositions that would give away our true feelings. The feelings of loss, loneliness, despair, disbelief. A couple more minutes pass and the silence truly engulfs us. This didn't feel awkward at all this just felt, right. Given the circumstances I say what other reaction would we have to all of this? Laughter? I know that she and I are not as sadistic as we like to think we are.
I let out a breath and say, "I s-s-saw her"
She raises her head and says, "Saw who?"
I flip out my knife and tell her the story.
"Remember when you caught me in that parking lot and uh your bat met with my head?"
She lets out a smile, "yeah you looked like you were escaping."
I nod, "I did escape more or less, b-b-but I saw her. My sister.. You see she's pretty much the only family I have left..
I try to hold back my tears but she can tell.. they always can tell.
She holds my hand and asks, "what happened cowboy?"
I close my knife and continue on with the story. "My sister and I moved up here for college you see. She was going to UC San Francisco and I was just going to community. We're originally from Santa Cruz but we didn't exactly get by that easily. My parents died in a car accident when i was 6, I sometimes dream about it, Mom and dad looking back after i screamed their name. I could make out a faint I love you before the car flipped. My brother flew out of the car and my sister and I were locked in. They couldn't reach my parents in time and when they found my brother he was already dead. I remember waking up in a hospital with no one in my room except this plump lady. I start to cry-out for my mom and dad... There was nothing, they told me what happened and said only my sister and I survived. My sister cared for me and I cared for her. We hopped foster cares and housing and we were notorious for always finding each other. I guess a group deal is expensive. The first time we got separated was the first foster care house I've ever been to. It looked like a normal day care I guess with one exception. It felt like an auction house. I heard stories about kids being beaten after they were taken or not fed. It kept me up at night and I would always sneak over to my sisters room and ask if I could sleep in her bed. I was adopted for the first time a year after my sister and I arrived. It was this nice white family with a daughter who was really mean. My sister was sitting on the steps as they processed me and drove me away from there. The first night I broke out of that house and ran nearly 4 miles to get back to her. They thought of keeping me at that house but they could see I was more than capable of defying them, so they let me stay with my sister. My sister was 12... and she knew that we had to get out of there, so she decided one night we'd both run away simply because she could never bear to see me go away like that. I cried that entire night because we slept in the park. God... I learned how to pickpocket, steal, fight, everything I could to make sure my sister could be alive. We spent a year sleeping in the park but the money I earned kept us alive. Once in a while we'd sneak into various motels to use their shower and sleep on a bed. Until one day we were caught by the owner and arrested. We were taken down to the station and the officer was telling us not to worry and that we'd be nice and safe back at the orphanage. I started to cry, my sister did everything she could to comfort me. I always heard her say "dont worry, we're still alive." That always got me because i wondered every single damn day why i still was alive."
I throw my knife to the floor and put my hands over my face to hide the fact that I'm dying inside.
Daphne puts her arm around me and asks, "so how'd it end up working out?"
I look up at her concerned face, she looks as if she wanted to be my saviour, the girl to take all my problems away. "well..."
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