After two years

These days I feel like I don't have time to think for myself so it's nice to take a step back and unwind. I'm doing a study guide for a Bio class and i'm stressing out about three tests in the next three days. College has been difficult and oddly life changing. I failed, cried, fought, loved, and the like. I can't believe I made it this far and i'm constantly trying to make my life significantly better. Want to know some ridiculous shit that happened in good ole sf? I ran from the cops. I got into a fight and beat up a black guy. I fell in love. I felt like i was alone for the longest time. I was more of a hermit on some points than i would like I learned the harsh reality of living on your own I learned life is a tad bit easier if you have someone holding you up I learned how to flip knives I had too many breakdowns I was carried home and almost got alcohol poisoning I got drunk off my ass with tif I experienced things that forty year olds are supposed to experience not 19 year olds I thought I left everything i loved back in so cal I grew up. Shit, life gets pretty hard up here but still hanging on.

You know what.

I don't like San Francisco. I dont particularly like the people here but you know what? Whatever.

I'm having a nice time up here. I try hard to convince myself that it's the worst place to live and junk but maybe i've just become adjusted. I'm not as angry or drunk anymore and I can support myself and stand my ground. Crazy shit has happened here and I feel that's probably not stopping.

I like my life, it's not perfect but it's damn good i tell you what.

Praise god and how he truly shows his love at your lowest points.

11

I run into the courtyard and see a group of zombies, I run at them full speed, i'm prepared for this to end, I dont want it to keep going. This isn't worth suffering for. Just then i feel a heavy tackle.
"Don't you fucking die on me. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH WE NEED EACH OTHER?"
My eyes re-adjust, and Daphne's in tears. "Look we all die thats certain but why the fuck would you do it after you've been fighting so hard to survive? You knew the stakes, we aren't getting out of this life alive, but why the hell are you giving up now? No good reason on earth could convince me to let you throw your life away." she yells with tears dripping down her face.
I take a moment to realize what I was about to do. What good would that have done? It wouldn't bring anyone back, it sure as hell wouldn't make anyone feel better. The sun was directly above us in that grassy courtyard. Just then as we got up, the moaning and dragging was closer than we expected.

ten

I look at her and say "Hey Daphne"
she raises her head in anticipation. "yeah?" she says with curiousity.
I let a breath out and say, "I feel this is the end, like nothing is worth fighting for. I messed my life up already and I feel as though it's going to keep happening. I might as well just throw myself to those zombies."
Her eyes widen, "I dont know what to say to that."
I stand up and say, "just say goodbye."
I run outside and slam the door behind me, just one bite, one quick bite and it's all over.

Nine

A silence drops upon us for a few minutes. She seemed bothered with good reason of course I mean she didn't want to experience what she went through let alone go through it again in word form. She looks sad. That's the only way I can put it, her milky skin turned a shade lighter and her eyes. Her eyes have that glint in it, the kind that only surfaces when we've lost all hope. She looks down at her bat and sighs. I take a glance as well and finally notice splotches of dried blood caked on. I feel as if I should take a moment to do something or say something to her or rather, for her...

It's still silent, with the both of us sitting and staring at each other and what's around us. No smiling or any facial compositions that would give away our true feelings. The feelings of loss, loneliness, despair, disbelief. A couple more minutes pass and the silence truly engulfs us. This didn't feel awkward at all this just felt, right. Given the circumstances I say what other reaction would we have to all of this? Laughter? I know that she and I are not as sadistic as we like to think we are.

I let out a breath and say, "I s-s-saw her"
She raises her head and says, "Saw who?"
I flip out my knife and tell her the story.
"Remember when you caught me in that parking lot and uh your bat met with my head?"
She lets out a smile, "yeah you looked like you were escaping."
I nod, "I did escape more or less, b-b-but I saw her. My sister.. You see she's pretty much the only family I have left..
I try to hold back my tears but she can tell.. they always can tell.
She holds my hand and asks, "what happened cowboy?"
I close my knife and continue on with the story. "My sister and I moved up here for college you see. She was going to UC San Francisco and I was just going to community. We're originally from Santa Cruz but we didn't exactly get by that easily. My parents died in a car accident when i was 6, I sometimes dream about it, Mom and dad looking back after i screamed their name. I could make out a faint I love you before the car flipped. My brother flew out of the car and my sister and I were locked in. They couldn't reach my parents in time and when they found my brother he was already dead. I remember waking up in a hospital with no one in my room except this plump lady. I start to cry-out for my mom and dad... There was nothing, they told me what happened and said only my sister and I survived. My sister cared for me and I cared for her. We hopped foster cares and housing and we were notorious for always finding each other. I guess a group deal is expensive. The first time we got separated was the first foster care house I've ever been to. It looked like a normal day care I guess with one exception. It felt like an auction house. I heard stories about kids being beaten after they were taken or not fed. It kept me up at night and I would always sneak over to my sisters room and ask if I could sleep in her bed. I was adopted for the first time a year after my sister and I arrived. It was this nice white family with a daughter who was really mean. My sister was sitting on the steps as they processed me and drove me away from there. The first night I broke out of that house and ran nearly 4 miles to get back to her. They thought of keeping me at that house but they could see I was more than capable of defying them, so they let me stay with my sister. My sister was 12... and she knew that we had to get out of there, so she decided one night we'd both run away simply because she could never bear to see me go away like that. I cried that entire night because we slept in the park. God... I learned how to pickpocket, steal, fight, everything I could to make sure my sister could be alive. We spent a year sleeping in the park but the money I earned kept us alive. Once in a while we'd sneak into various motels to use their shower and sleep on a bed. Until one day we were caught by the owner and arrested. We were taken down to the station and the officer was telling us not to worry and that we'd be nice and safe back at the orphanage. I started to cry, my sister did everything she could to comfort me. I always heard her say "dont worry, we're still alive." That always got me because i wondered every single damn day why i still was alive."
I throw my knife to the floor and put my hands over my face to hide the fact that I'm dying inside.
Daphne puts her arm around me and asks, "so how'd it end up working out?"
I look up at her concerned face, she looks as if she wanted to be my saviour, the girl to take all my problems away. "well..."

Eight

She lets go of my hand and returns to her story.
"I was shaking when i was holding my bat. I didn't just rush in mind you, when shit like that happens you tend to think about it. Try to understand what was happening. Also couple that with trying to take in the fact that you're best friend was dead."
She peers over her shoulder to check the door way. She looks unsteady as she picks up her bat.
"I just swung." She whispers as she motions the swing.
"One after another I just kept swinging down into her face, I knew I had to, the last thing i could do was let her suffer like that."
I try to comfort her by exclaiming "Oh yeah i understand."
She shoots me a confused look.
"You understand? Do you really understand all this?"
I'm put a little off guard and reply with "You know that's not what I meant."
She looks solemn again.
"Sorry it's just, Fuck man I still can't believe i killed her like that. That's not even the worse part though believe me."
She lets out another breath and puts the bat down, I try to say something comforting but nothing comes out except hot air.
"You know ever since this morning I've killed like twenty of those fuckers? After I killed Allyson something snapped in me. I was just so sad and numb that I just stood there staring at her for like ten minutes. I remember crying a lot and I don't know, I thought about burying her you know? She was my only best friend I've ever had."
I look at her puzzled, "you've never had a best-friend?!"
She smacks my cheek, "what kind of question is that? I'm fucking telling you that i killed my best friend and you worry about me never having a bestfriend?"
I feel stupid, and raise my hands up, "whoah whoah okay sorry seriously, it's just, you're too cute to not have a best-friend before."
She raises her head up and looks at me embarrassed, she has a hint of flattery within her face. I continue to smile and say, "Alright I didn't mean to be an asshole about this, I guess it's just my way of making sense of all this."
She holds her hand out, "yeah.. mine too."

Seven.

I sweat as a continue to survey the area I'm in. The gymnasium is a lot larger than i expected it to be. The orange tone seems to ripple with every floor board and crap color painted bleachers in vicinity. I reach for my knife and start fidgeting. I need to get out of here, what happened? Was that girl all just a dream? I adjust to the lighting again and see her. she's walking towards my cot and i oddly hear nothing except an eerie silence.
I ask her, "Am I the only one?"
She smiles, "Actually.. you are. Jack and Marie went to go scout, they should be back later. Go back to sleep."
I sit up and look around. The entire gym is empty except for the likes of both of us. She glances at me and asks "Do you have a weapon?"
"Y-Y-Yeah i do" i say nervously as i flip out my butterfly knife.
"Wow that's pretty cool, let me see that."
I toss her the knife and she embarrassingly tries to flip it open.
"How the hell do you get this working?" she says with a frustrating look.
I take the knife back and show her. As i flip it open and close, i notice she's not staring at the knife rather she's staring at me.
"I-I-Is something w-wrong?"
She snaps back into reality.
"Oh! sorry it's just, fancy seeing you around here, do you live around here?"
I put my knife back into my pocket, "Oh yeah i live d-d down the street more or less, what about you?"
I notice her confident demeanor is slowly starting to fade.
"I live on campus.." she pauses "Hey do you know what the fuck happened?"
I shrugg and explain my whole situation beginning with me waking up to this mess.
She sighs.

"I dont know what happened exactly, I just remember the screams. It was around like 2 am when i heard a lot of my floor mates screaming and yelling. My roomate got up and ran out the door and told me she'll come back and tell me what happened. I waited for like ten minutes and nothing. I didn't hear anything that entire time and I could tell something was wrong."
She lets out a sigh.
"Hey do you like zombies?"
I shoot her a glance, my eyes widen.
"You know what, I got to say I Love zombies, everything about them, i watched all the George A. Romero classics and they're okay remakes. I've played countless games."
Before I can finish she excitedly starts up
"Oh my gosh me too! I loved Dead Rising, my favorite zombie flick was 28 days later, holy shit!"
We both chuckle
"Then why does this feel so shitty? I mean, I thought a total zombie apocalypse was going to be fun. There's nothing fun about knowing you're going to die or knowing that your family is one of them." she lets out another sigh and continues.
"I was in the softball team here and we weren't bad. I always kept my autographed Affeldt bat I got during the world series. I held onto it after she left the room. I was worried more that frat boys would raid our dorm or something so i wanted to be prepared. When she didn't come back i got really worried. I looked outside my window which was like ten floors high. I could barely make out people running. I thought since it was a week before finals, people were just raging you know just partying hard."
She rolls her eyes
"I waited for a little while longer and decided to call my roomates phone. She left it, which totally pissed me off. So, I got dressed as quickly as I could and I remember grabbing my keys and my phone. when i opened the door you could see the lights flickering and huge dents in the wall. It was eerily quiet when i went outside. When i walked towards the elevator i saw a bloodstain on the stairs and thought, okay fuck that i'm not going on the stairs. So i walk to the elevator door thinking zombies wouldn't get trapped in them. Stupid stupid stupid."
She face palms and takes out her bat
"I saw two of them, both girls just standing there. Then they started moaning ... That fucking moan. God it was like they had a dick stuck in their throat or something."
She lifts the bat and swings it with force.
"She tried grabbing onto me, it was unreal, all the biting and stuff. This was an actual zombie and since i didn't know her i might as well stop from eating me. I didn't actually hit her. I thought it was a joke or something and you know what if it wasn't? I might get kicked out of school or worse arrested. So instead i ran the other way. stupid stupid stupid"
She sets the bat down and face palms again.
"I knew I shouldn't stay there and those two bitches were playing a really good joke on me, or so I thought, so i went down the stairs. The blood trail went both up and down so I thought getting out of the dorm would be best. I got all the way to the first floor door which led straight into the lobby and I could hear it. Not just the moaning but screaming. So much screaming, it was a wonder why I couldn't hear it in the first place. I think it was because colleges sound proof walls in dorms so when your neighbor is having sex the other people don't have to hear it."
She stops for a moment to think then sighs again.
"When I opened that door i saw my roommate getting eaten alive. I mean, what the fuck?! I almost had to throw up because again it just felt so unreal. I mean before i wasn't so sure if they were real zombies but this one. This dude was just straight up eating her neck with blood everywhere and bodies scattered around. Instead of going all stealthy like i should've i just rushed the bastard. I mean seriously three hundred style I ran in there with a roar and brought my bat straight down on this dudes head. Blood shot up from his head and hit my bat and my leather jacket. I was just so mad that i kept on hitting and hitting until i was sure he was dead. I looked at my roomate and started to cry. We were close you know? Her name was Allyson, she was a total quiet girl but we got a long."
I hold her hand and say, "you don't have to finish this if you don't want to."
She squeezes my hand and says, "Listen cowboy, you're gonna wanna hear the rest of this."